Choosing Faith
The inevitable is a few days away and I’m bracing for the ride ahead. I was thinking about the first time I managed to slide from the lift chair and stand at the top of the mountain. Looking down, I realized my choices were quite limited if I wanted to reach the valley below. So I took a deep breath and trusted what my instructors had taught me on how to manage the mountain and arrive safely at the bottom. I know this ride will not be near as exhilarating, but the fear is similar as I choose to step into an unfamiliar experience. My mind tells me I can trust the hands of experienced surgeons and my heart reminds me I can trust my Sovereign God to watch over me. Between now and then, I must prepare myself physically and spiritually, choosing to follow the instructions provided, praying earnestly and leaning into those who love me.
The surgery date marks exactly two months from the day I was told of the cancer diagnosis. Part of me still cannot believe it’s true. Have you ever anticipated something and when that day arrives, you look around and think, “I can’t believe I’m here?” I’m sure that’s how I will feel that Monday morning, but it will be with sorrow rather than joy when I walk into the hospital with the haunting question hiding in the shadows, “How did I get here?”
I was told this week that as a believer that we sometimes find ourselves in a balancing act between faith and fear. I’ve always thought faith and fear cannot co-exist, however, I’m not so sure anymore. I am considering that perhaps the reason Jesus and Paul spoke so much about fear and anxious thoughts is they knew we live in an unpredictable world, one in which we have very little real control. Yet, as a counselor told me, I see Jesus and Paul encouraging us to focus on what we can control. We can have control over the messages we allow to stream into our hearts and minds, which contribute to faith or fear. As we encounter these difficult circumstances, we hold in our hands the scale of justice we’ve seen in so many analogies. On one side is fear and on the other is faith. When we listen to naysayers and those who prefer to focus on the harsher side, a weight is placed on the fear plate. When we hear words of encouragement and we pray and praise, weights are placed on the faith side. I realized I do have control over my attitude and thoughts. I can and will choose to be with those who will encourage me and bring me joy. I will choose to read scripture and pray to the one who brings me peace when I give Him my anxious thoughts. I will choose to read messages of hope and affirmation rather than stories of death and destruction. I will choose to look at the mountain, take a deep breath, lean forward and skillfully ski the slope because God has prepared me for this moment. I will be standing at the end of the run. I will return more courageous and stronger than ever before. I can and will choose faith, not fear.
I just noticed in the background a song playing I’ve not heard in a long time. The word “faith” caught my attention as I was typing that last thought of choosing faith. The group 4Him is singing at this moment,
“Where there is faith, There is a voice calling, keep walking; You're not alone in this world
Where there is faith, There is a peace like a child sleeping;
Hope everlasting in He who is able to Bear every Burden, to heal every hurt in my heart
It is a wonderful, powerful place, Where there is faith”
One of the most important lessons of the past month is the truth that I’m not walking alone. God has sent so many incredible friends to walk this journey with me. More than ever, I am convinced we are not meant to take the journey of life alone which is why God calls us to join together as a community of faith. I am truly a better pilgrim because of this experience.
I am leaning into the words of Paul, “Finally, brethren, whatever things are true, whatever things are noble, whatever things are just, whatever things are pure, whatever things are lovely, whatever things are of good report, if there is any virtue and if there is anything praiseworthy—meditate on these things..” (Philippians 4:8)
